If you want to spend more time up than down, more happy than sad, try these secrets of happiness.
1. Have a purpose
Happy people have a sense of being part of a greater order or of their life having a purpose. This does not need to be spiritual although for some people it might be. It’s more a sense of having something to wake up for. Knowing that what you are doing moves you forward in some way.
Your purpose need not be a huge or life changing one, it might be just to be the best at whatever you do. For example, if you are a mother, your purpose is to raise happy children. If you hold this thought in the back of your mind, every action, from changing nappies, cooking a meal, to standing on the edge of a windswept field in February watch your child play football, is a small step that forms part of that greater purpose or mission.
2. Set goals for yourself
If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there, and how do you know what direction to set off in? Happy people set goals which give them a sense of aim and direction. A goal is similar to life purpose, but more tangible and will have an end point some time in the future when you have achieved them.
Every time you achieve a goal you will have a fantastic sense of achievement. Seeing yourself succeed in anything, no matter how big or small.
3. Have a good recovery strategy
Things go wrong. Life always has its ups and downs. What matters is not what happens to you but how you recover from setbacks. Happy people are able to recover quickly. They recognise that any situation can be worked out, made the best of. The old proverb “there is not point crying over spilt milk” holds true. Get over it, let it go, move on.
Happy people tend to have positive self talk after a set back. They say to themselves things like “never mind” “let’s try again” “it’s just a learning”.
Conversely unhappy people tend to say things like “I told you that would happen” “things always go wrong for me” “I knew that wouldn’t work out” which only sends them into a deeper into a downward spiral of gloom
4. Forgive others
Holding grudges actually only harms yourself. It makes people bitter and unpleasant to be around. If there are unresolved issues, resolve them and if you need to get help to do that then do it so that you can let it go. Bitter people make poor company.
5. Stop judging yourself and others
According to some psychological theories your unconscious mind takes every thought you think personally, even if you are thinking it about someone else! So if you look at someone and think to yourself “fat, ugly cow”, your own mind will experience it as if someone else was saying it to you. Any negative thought about anyone else is taken as a personal insult or even worse, a direct instruction. For example, if you think “I hope she get’s sick”, your own mind could take it as an instruction to get sick, so you might end up with the flu.
Now it’s not possible to always love everyone or to think that everyone is perfect, but you start by simply recognising that everyone is only doing their best at any particular time. People don’t wake up and decide that today is the day they are going to annoy other, be rude, lose their temper or make mistakes. Also separate behaviour from the person. A person might be DOING a stupid, wrong, bad or annoying thing, but they themselves are not stupid, wrong, bad or annoying people. So if you have to judge, keep it at the level of behaviour, and always say to yourself afterwards “Well, they are probably just doing the best they can.”
6. Help others
Happy people are usually helpful people. Lending a helping hand is known to have a massively beneficial effect on how happy you are. Knowing that you are helping, needed, wanted and appreciated boosts your self-esteem and confidence. That you have helped out in some way gives you a sense of achievement, and satisfaction. This is why so many people give selflessly to charity and for no return or reward.
7. Don’t be a doormat
Happy people can so “NO” when they don’t want to do something. They have clear boundaries about what they will and won’t accept and tell people. What’s more they tell people straight away before they feel imposed upon or violated so that they don’t get angry or annoyed. By doing it in advance happy people can tell or ask others what they want in good cheer and politely avoiding any offence. The first step to this is deciding what you are OK with and stick to it. Just say “NO”, but with a smile.
Lisa Turner is an expert in human transformation and evolution and founder of Psycademy, a company which offers a range of personal transformation products, services and training. Lisa has studied the mind for over 15 years and is she a certified trainer of NLP, Time Line Therapy® and Hypnosis. For more information on how to transform your life and to find out if you are a ‘light worker’ visit www.psycademy.co.uk
