Picture yourself at a networking event.
You are in a conversation with someone in whose business you don’t have a real interest, but you want to develop the conversation to find out if you can establish the rapport that will lead to a strong, mutually beneficial, relationship.
Dale Carnegie said: “People are interested in people who are interested in them”. So, show an interest. If what they are saying does not interest you, lead them into other areas that may do.
Ask questions about their business; questions to find their area of speciality; questions to discover their passion – eventually you’ll find an area of common interest or something that they do that is of interest to you.
Jeffrey Mayer, in his book Creating Opportunities by Networking says, “When you talk about yourself, you’re a bore. When you let the other person talk about himself, you’re a great conversationalist.”
Elevator pitch
Send your elevator pitch to the basement!
Most advice on networking effectively contains guidance on writing and presenting the perfect ‘elevator pitch’. This is the 10, 30 or 60-second script that you repeat word for word when someone asks what you do.
You should be prepared to answer questions about what you do and why you are there, but do you really need to memorise a script in order to respond?
This is your chance to grab your moment in the spotlight and shine! If you have been looking for this, I am sorry to disappoint you.
‘Elevator pitches’ (so named because they represent what you would say if you met Bill Gates in an elevator and had until his floor to get him to want to hear more about you) may be fine when you have a ‘Minute to Win It’ slot to present to everyone at an event, but they can be out of place in a one–to–one situation or in a small group.
Yes, you should be prepared to answer questions about what you do and why you are there, but do you really need to memorise a script in order to respond? You will be far more relaxed and natural if you just tell people. Instead of being tense and stilted, people will experience the real you, a relaxed conversationalist.
Asking the right questions
The key to good conversation is listening effectively and if you are listening effectively, you ask the right questions. That doesn’t mean you ask the questions that you’ve seen listed in a book.
“So, are you married?”
“What colour is your dog?”
“Do your children like sports?”
These make you sound like a person who has read a book with a list of questions to ask at networking events! It doesn’t make you sound interesting to the other person or interested in them.
People can generally tell when you are genuinely engaged in the conversation, so you need to develop that interest. Ask questions that show that you are listening, questions based on what the other person has just said and questions that are likely to draw out the conversation. Ask them to tell you more.
One key is to ask ‘open questions’, such as ‘how?’, ‘why?’, ‘what?’ and ‘where?’ that encourage your partner to open up and tell you more and give them permission to go into more detail. You should certainly avoid ‘closed questions’ that require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response and this will leave you faced with a dead end and struggling to move the conversation further on.
As you ask these questions you will find yourself becoming more drawn into the conversation and the questions will come more and more naturally. When people start talking about their passion they tend to become more animated and, generally, more interesting. You will find yourself learning more and being in a better position to connect the people you meet.
Listening isn’t about tilting your head and staying silent. Listening is about being curious. If you really want to sell, a salesman will call that research; find out more about the other person and their needs.
From a networking point of view, however, it’s simply getting into a conversation where the other person is interested.
