Networking can be fun, it can be very social and it can help you to meet some great friends.
We shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that, if you are like the vast majority of networkers, you are investing your time and money in networking because you believe that it will help you to grow your business.
If that is the case somewhere along the line you are going to be looking for tangible results from your networking activity. You need to know what you want to achieve first and then plan how you are going to get there. A key part of that is helping your networking contacts to understand how they can help you.
A key part of that is helping your networking contacts to understand how they can help you
Timing
According to Robert Cialdini, the author of Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, there are ‘moments of power’ in the relationship between two people when you have the most influence. It is important to be aware of these if you want to be in a position to accept the opportunities offered by people who want to help you.
When would you be more likely to want to help me and to make sure that you followed through:
- When you have just met me and we’ve enjoyed a five minute conversation at a networking event?
- When we have just spent an hour together discussing your business at my invitation?
- When you’ve just heard from me because a mutual contact gave me your name?
- When we’ve had a social evening together after a year of friendship?
Timing plays an important role in asking for what you want, particularly if the contact you are looking for is a valued one or a connection that can only be made once.
Cialdini tells us that the most powerful moment is when someone has just said ‘thank you’ for something you have done for them. All too often we dismiss this with ‘it was nothing’ or ‘don’t worry about it’. In that instant we have trivialised what we have done when, quite probably, it wasn’t ‘nothing’, for us or for the recipient. We have also lost our ‘moment of power’ when the other person was most likely to help us.
An obligation to respond in kind has been taught to us from childhood and we are always looking for ways in which we can help people who help us. This is why Ivan Misner’s ‘Givers Gain’ concept, where the people who give the most in a network gain the most from it, works so well. While we shouldn’t jump on everybody who says ‘thank you’ with a quid pro quo, we do need to be aware of the best time to ask people for help when we need it.
It’s how you ask
It is vitally important that you think about the way you ask for help as well as just the timing of it. You can risk alienating friends and destroying relationships if you ask in the wrong way.
As we will shortly be discussing, your requests should be clear and concise and easy for the other person to both digest and act upon. It should also be empowering rather than demanding, ensuring that the other person is delighted to help you rather than feeling put on the spot or under pressure.
Robert Clay, Marketing Wizdom business and marketing mentor to the top 1% of entrepreneurs, offers examples of effective and ineffective requests for support:
Demanding: “I need you to give me…”
vs
Empowering: “I am looking for … and thought you might…”
Manipulative: “If you will…I will…”
vs
Empowering: “I have some people to refer to you… and please keep me in mind when you meet people who…”
Hesitant: “I know you’re busy and probably won’t have time and I don’t want to bother you, but…”
vs
Straightforward: “I would like your assistance, if possible. Any amount of time you could give me will be appreciated.”
As Robert says, “If you make demands rather than requests, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.”
Spell it out
When people ask how they can help you, help them by asking for what you want and making it easy for them to understand how they can be of assistance. Our culture sometimes tells us that it is rude to ask for things, we should wait until they are offered. However, I am a great believer that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Don’t expect your networking contacts to be mind readers. Communicate very clearly the contacts of value to you, the clients you are looking for, and the help you need. So many companies recognise the value of referrals and recommendations to their business but don’t do anything about it.
One firm of accountants wrote to their clients and asked them a simple question, “Would you be happy to recommend us to any of your contacts who need a new accountant?” 80% of the people they wrote to replied, all confirming that they would be more than happy to do so. Until that point, the firm had not been receiving many referrals from their clients at all. Why?
They had never asked.
Paint a picture
Let your network know what you do, who you do it for and how you benefit your clients. Make sure that they understand your business in as much depth as possible. People who attend referral groups and who stand up each week and say what they do often don’t understand why they don’t receive the quality of referrals they are looking for. The reason is that they are not giving their fellow members the right information. They are focusing on the mechanics of their business and not the benefits.
You need to be able to paint a picture for people. People need to know:
- Who you want to talk to?
- How they can recognise them?
- Why they would want to talk to you?
- How you can help them?
I have heard Financial Advisors ask to be introduced to ‘High net-worth individuals’. Speak simple language that others can understand. If they had asked to be introduced to people who live in a certain affluent borough or people who drive high performance or luxury cars, they would have made it much easier for the others in their group to recognise their potential clients.
Paint a picture to help people recognise their own contacts. Don’t be afraid to be specific. The clearer and more focused the picture you paint; the more likely it is that people will be able to make the connection for you.
Stephen Turner, a Facilities Manager in the Croydon East BRX group, stood up one week and asked for a connection in the Wallington office of Canon Copiers. The reason was that the office had a very old fashioned air–conditioning system, which was both unattractive and inefficient and Stephen said that he could modernise it and provide both a better working environment and cost savings.
On hearing Stephen’s request, another member of the group replied that he had worked for Canon for eighteen years and had spent eleven years in the Wallington office. He would be happy to go back to his old contacts and try to provide the introduction that Stephen was looking for.
If Stephen’s request had been more general, for companies with outdated air conditioning systems, the chances are that the visitor would not have made the connection and recognised his former workplace. The opportunity would have been lost.
Andy Lopata is the co-author of the second edition of '...and Death Came Third! The Definitive Guide to Networking and Speaking in Public'
